As leaders, most of us know and accept that we need to have empathy for the people we lead. Whilst this is absolutely vital, and I’m one of the biggest proponents of this, we might benefit from looking at this from another angle which explores instead how essential it is to have empathy for the person who manages you.

A great way to open a 1:1 with a team member who you manage might be to ask them how they are, to connect on a personal level and spend time helping them navigate issues (professional and personal) which may be getting in their way of peak performance. In this meeting, you’re supporting them to be the best they can be.

The dynamic is, however, completely different when preparing for your 1:1 with a manager – it’s often more about you giving updates, offloading problems, concerns, sharing things that are getting you down, and communicating blockers. And rightly so, that’s partly what they’re there for. But what if you spent 5 minutes in prep, really thinking about the person you’re going to be talking to? If you do, I’m certain you’d have a more productive meeting, still gaining the outcomes you need, but connecting and building trust, rapport and respect at a deeper level.

Some great questions to ask yourself ahead of a meeting with your manager:

  • How might their energy levels be?
  • How has their day been so far?
  • What’s keeping them up at night?
  • What’s their biggest fear at the moment?
  • Where’s the pressure coming from for them?
  • What might be going on for them personally right now?

We are all human beings, and your line manager is not a bullet-proof robot with limitless emotional resilience and energy. Chances are, they’re working on the things they know are frustrating you, they’re actively trying to unblock your blockers, but the likelihood is they’ve had a day packed full of meetings just like you, a long commute just like you, childcare issues just like you and perhaps they’re trying their hardest, just like you.

Showing up to a 1:1 with your line manager having spent just 5 minutes considering where they might be mentally and emotionally, whilst still surfacing the issues and areas where you need support, will be the difference between a short-term box being checked and a long-term effective relationship built on trust and understanding.