It jars slightly to write these words in relation to myself. As a perfectionist, a people-pleaser at heart, it remains tough for me to embrace the idea that good enough might just actually be good enough. But at The School of Life Conference in LA last weekend, this was one of many ideas that struck a chord. I’ll be writing about a few of them in the coming weeks.
The fact is, we are all more or less imperfect, yet we expect absolute perfection of ourselves and of each other. Perfectionism is not normality. The idea that many of us spend our time seeking perfectionism in every aspect of our lives; we strive to find the perfect job, create the perfect results at work, go home to the perfect partner, the perfect children, maybe do a perfect workout etc; is a familiar one to me. ‘I set high expectations of myself and demand the same back of others’ is something I have said many times. Am I proud of this or am I excusing myself? I’m not really sure.
How does it feel when those high standards aren’t met, either by yourself or others? If you’re like me, this disappointment happens frequently, and it’s stressful. I have been known to replay the ‘imperfect’ situation in my head over and over again, making it just that little bit better when I reimagine it. I’ve been a strong proponent of the 80:20 rule my whole career, yet it’s often still crippling me when I’m not hitting the 100 mark, but instead hitting 95.
On the other hand, how does it feel if you lower those expectations just 5% to ‘good enough’? Ahhhh… the release. The freedom. The liberation! Perfection can be so crushing. It’s not necessary to win all of the time. Repeat. Sometimes you just need to let go.
Of course, we learned a lot about where these harsh standards we set ourselves come from. Like many of The School of Life’s (and psychology’s) beliefs, the notion is that childhood shapes our desire to excel, to be ‘a good boy/girl’ and to please. There are a whole host of interesting facts around the type of childhood experiences that shape us in this way, but that’s for another time.
So, how good is good enough? You likely know what good enough is! It’s certainly not about abandoning all pride or quality. It’s not about (necessarily) giving up. It’s about having a healthy perspective on what good is. It’s about being a little bit more realistic with ourselves. It’s understanding the trade-offs you are making when you strive for that extra 5% (it’s usually your stress levels, additional time or cost). Give yourself the same advice you’d give a friend, a colleague, or even a stranger. That’s what good enough is.
Habits are formed by starting somewhere and I’d encourage you to follow me in trying this out. It won’t always come easy, that’s for sure. What can you let go at ‘good enough’? How did it feel? What were the consequences? Write it down, reflect, and in the moment enjoy the release… you deserve it (said to a friend).